Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask