ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized

  Fav 12 873 1573

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

  Fav 14 997 3399

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

  Fav 22 1153 5946

  share tweet
  

• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.

  Fav 18 3515 903

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (858): View more from California

  we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

  Fav 23 14778 1580

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

  Fav 39 1295 6551

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

  Fav 15 5535 976

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Fav 38 5413 2357

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Fav 22 8285 1406

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night

  Fav 29 4256 1621

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out

  Fav 9 1256 4453

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

  Fav 12 3127 1898

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

  Fav 0 1084 1397

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with

  Fav 4 843 523

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!

  Fav 3 280 227

  share tweet
  

Randomize