Cold hands, warm shart.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.