I didn't shave. On purpose
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i'm high and self actualising, please send help