Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
