I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes