Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
