I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
