i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
