I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
