Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
