I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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