dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
