And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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