why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
