wat bout pragnant strippers??
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
