chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
