the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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