why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
