I just saw a hot homeless man
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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