I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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