I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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