I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
