watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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