Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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