he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
