She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
