meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
