I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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