alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
