i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
