the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
