Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
