where am i from again
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
