he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
