Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
