....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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