FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
