so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
