The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
