mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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