She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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