we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
