Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
