I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
