Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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