I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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