Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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