well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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