would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
