You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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