Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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