6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
