My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
