just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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