i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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