I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
