Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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