like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
