Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
