I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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