Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
