I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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