I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please don't give away my fajitas
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
