well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
