Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
