life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
