bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
