Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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