I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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