hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
