think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
