I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
