I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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