no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
