and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
