I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone shattered a urinal.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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