FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
