i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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